Summary: Since its original publication in
2000, Leadership and Self-Deception has become a global
phenomenon with sales increasing year after year and editions available in over
thirty languages. Its powerful ideas are based on Arbinger's work over
the last 35 years -- work that has fueled the success of thousands of
organizations around the world. Through an engaging story about a man
facing challenges on the job and in his family, the authors expose the
fascinating ways that we blind ourselves to our true motivations and
unwittingly sabotage our own efforts to improve performance and achieve
success. Read this extraordinary book and discover what millions have
already learned -- how to tap into an innate ability that dramatically improves
both your relationships and results. (summary from back of book - image
from amazon.com)
My Review: About a year ago, my dad sent me
this book with a little note that indicated I should read it and that it had
the potential to be life-changing. My dad doesn't read much from a
recreational standpoint but what he reads is always meaningful, so it might
have taken me a while to move it up the stack, but I listened. Here are my thoughts:
Leadership and Self-Deception
is bestseller that looks like
assigned college reading – and it is in some colleges -- but when I stopped focusing
on its outward appearance and actually started reading, I found a book that was easily accessible, insightful, reflective,
and infused with simple wisdom. At just
under 200 pages, I tore through it in a matter of hours, spread out over a few
days (because KIDS). Although
this book was presented in a business setting, its principles can be applied to
any kind of interaction – work, family, marriage, friendships, and even casual
daily interaction. Its story form was fluid
and relatable with a series of helpful lists and illustrative diagrams that shifted
my perspective on how I interact with the world around me.
While I am almost sure to bungle my explanation (the book
does it far better), I will try to at least introduce a little of what the Arbinger
Institute teaches, even though I’m highly unqualified to do so.
- It starts with the concept of a person being either IN or OUT of the box. When we are IN the box, we see the people around us as objects and are really only concerned with how they affect us. When we are OUT of the box, we see the people around us as people with their own unique sets of strengths, weaknesses, needs, worries, and experiences. Our chosen perspective affects our treatment of others in positive or negative ways.
- We can be either in or out of the box at any given moment with any given person. It’s entirely subject to change and choice, though we can to make a habit out of it.
- Secretly, we crave conflict. I know that sounds weird but hang on for a bit. Conflict allows us to feel superior to others as it encourages the I-am-right-and-you-are-wrong mentality. In this situation, we tend to inflate our own value and in turn inflate the faults of others. In doing so, we feel justified to continue acting however we’ve been acting and blame others for our problems.
- When we are IN the box, we invite others to enter their own boxes. As you can imagine this is utterly counterproductive in virtually every situation.
Leadership and
Self-Deception also introduces the concept of self-betrayal (when we think of
something that we should do for others then talk ourselves out of it) and
self-deception (the process of justifying our behavior in a way that distorts our
own reality). Each concept was psychologically
fascinating and I haven’t been able stop mulling them over with friends and
family.
I love books that change the way I think in a positive way and
this was definitely one of them. It
invited me to question my own virtue and, in doing so, opened up windows of
thought that I had to bend my brain around.
I’m not going to lie. It hurt a
little. Do I thrive on conflict? Am I part
of the problem? Am I THE problem? I hadn’t
read very far before drawing some fairly uncomfortable conclusions about my
daily interactions with others, especially in regards to some of the more
strained relationships in my life. I may
not be the only person IN the box, but I am
in it and I put myself there. Thankfully,
this book also talks about how to get OUT of the box and move toward healthier,
more meaningful, productive relationships. The good news is that the “how” is simple and
straightforward. And staying out? They talk about that
too. If you keep reading, there is even an
additional section in the back of the book (mine is the 2nd edition)
that gives some specific ideas for how the book can be used in during the hiring
process, for team building, conflict resolution, and personal growth.
My suggestion? Even
if you don’t think Leadership and
Self-Deception applies to you, get your mitts on it and read it. You are bound to learn something; I know I
did. I highly recommend this book to
anyone who thinks they aren’t the problem,
to anyone who knows they are, and to
anyone who simply wants to live a better life.
My Rating: 4.5 Stars (I'd give it a 4 for writing style and 5 for content)
For the sensitive
reader: One swear word of the jack*** variety. Not sure if that’s even a
swear word, to be honest.
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